


Things Keith Should Probably Know But Doesn't

by InsaneJul



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bickering, Crack, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Gen, Implied/Referenced Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-03-22 04:46:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13756626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsaneJul/pseuds/InsaneJul
Summary: While analyzing brain scans from Coran after The Voltron Show, the paladins learn something mildly disturbing about Keith.





	Things Keith Should Probably Know But Doesn't

**Author's Note:**

  * For [paladumb](https://archiveofourown.org/users/paladumb/gifts).



> This is literally based off of something I said about my computational physics professor. You will know the line when you get there. Beta read by my darling, paladumb

            “ _This_ is your brain,” Lance booms in a fake-deep voice, pointing at the hologram Pidge pulled up. She sighs. He points at the image next to it, an extremely active and dangerous-looking version of the first one. “and _this_ is your brain _on drugs._ ”

            “This is actually your brain normally,” Pidge shoves him and collapses on top of Hunk, who is trying very hard not to laugh at Lance’s antics.

            “Don’t go insulting each other’s brains,” Shiro warns from across the room. No one listens to him, as usual.

            Hunk gingerly places Lance next to him. “Pidge took scans of Coran’s brain while he was still using that weird hyperactive parasite or whatever. So, I mean, technically Lance is right.”

            “Wait, really?” Lance looks somewhat taken aback.

            “We should make it a holiday,” Keith snarks from the other side of the couch.

            “Oh shut up, you weren’t even there!”

            “Are you really going to keep holding that against me?”

            “Guys!” Shiro starts, but Pidge cuts them all off.

            “Excuse me!” she shouts. “I kind of want to analyze these, so if you want to have bicker-time how about you go somewhere where I don’t have to allocate brain space to listening.”

            “What’s so important about Coran’s brain on crack?” Lance leans over her shoulder to inspect the images closer. “Like, he’s better now, so why are we worrying about it?”

            “Before he went bonkers, it actually kinda worked for him, right?” Pidge adjusts her glasses. “Maybe I can simulate something similar, but only temporarily, so that we can boost brain power without burning out.”

            “That would be cool, I guess,” Hunk stretches out his arms on either side of the couch. “I don’t really know how I feel about being on alien crack, though.”

            “Dude! Think of the possibilities!” Lance hops up on his knees for emphasis. “You get, like, super energetic on crack. It’s a few minutes of pure power!”

            “I don’t like how excited you are to do this.” Shiro interjected, folding his arms over his chest. “Pidge, do you really think this is a good idea?”

            “Yeah, doesn’t crack make your teeth fall out or whatever?” Keith actually looked mildly interested, until all four people in the room stared at him openmouthed. “What?”

            “Are you talking about meth mouth?”

            “Yeah, that’s what it’s called. Meth mouth.”

            “We’re talking about crack, Keith.”

            “That’s what I’m talking about!”

            “No!” Pidge brought her fist down on the seat next to her. “We’re talking about crack and you’re talking about meth!”

            “That’s the same thing!”

            “No it isn’t!”

            “Yeah it is!”

            “Meth is a separate thing, Keith!”

            Lance was on the floor at this point, and Hunk had tears streaming from his eyes from the effort it took to keep from laughing out loud. Keith just sort of sat looking at Pidge with a blank expression on his face. “I thought they were the same thing.”

            “Yeah, like chocolate and white chocolate are the same thing,” Pidge said, which set Lance off again and Hunk failed to conceal a snort.

            “So wait, which one makes you think that bugs are crawling on you?”

            “Which one makes you think WHAT?” Hunk immediately lifted himself up in anticipation of imaginary bugs crawling on him.

            “You’re fine, Hunk. That’s meth.”

            “Huh.”

            “Didn’t we have a mandatory drug abuse class in the garrison?” Lance piped up from the floor. “We _learned_ this. Unless you got expelled before you took it—”

            “I didn’t get expelled, I dropped out!”

            “You got expelled ‘cause you failed the drug abuse class!”

            “I did not!”

            “Wow!” Pidge yelled over both of them. “You could not give me quiet for _five minutes._ I am leaving this room and nobody better follow me!” She stormed out with her laptop, leaving Shiro to shake his head disapprovingly at the others.

            “Why do you always antagonize each other?”

            “She acts like she knows everything—”

            “She only wants us to exist when it’s convenient for her—”

            “Keith. Lance. I meant you two.”

            Lance pulled himself back onto the couch. “It’s not my fault he doesn’t know what meth is.”

            “I know what meth is! I think I proved that just now!”

            “Okay, it’s not my fault he doesn’t know what crack is, and I don’t see what’s wrong with a little friendly teasing.”

            Hunk cleared his throat meaningfully, and Lance gave him a look.

            “Whatever.” Keith muttered.

            “’Ooh, I have a mullet at the expense of my brains, I don’t know what drugs do,’” Lance whispered in a mocking voice.

            Shiro had reflexes just fast enough to grab Keith before he lunged.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so my professor's name is Keith and he needed a matlab variable for "method" but instead of just calling it "method" he shortened it to "meth" as if "meth" isn't a separate thing from method god damn it


End file.
